| Her mother comes first, then her father Islam has encouraged respect and kindness towards parents. Some texts deal with the mother and father separately, but taken all together, the texts enjoin a healthy balance in children's attention to their parents, so that respect to one parent will not be at the expense of the other. Some texts further confirm that the mother should be given precedence over the father. So, as we have seen, when a man came to give bay`ah and pledge to take part in jihad, the Prophet (PBUH) asked him, "Are either of your parents alive?" This indicates that the Muslim is obliged to treat both parents equally well. Similarly, Asma' was ordered to keep in contact with her mushrik mother. A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and asked him, "O Messenger of Allah (SWT), who among people is most deserving of my good company?" He said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Your mother." The man asked, "Then who?" The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Then your father."10
This Hadith confirms that the Prophet (PBUH) gave precedence to kind treatment of one's mother over kind treatment of one's father, and the Sahabah used to remind the Muslims of this after the death of the Prophet (PBUH). Ibn `Abbas, a great scholar and faqih of this ummah, considered kind treatment of one's mother to be the best deed to bring one closer to Allah (SWT). A man came to him and said, "I asked for a woman's hand in marriage, and she refuse me. Someone else asked for her hand and she accepted and married him. I felt jealous, so I killed her. Will my repentance be accepted?" Ibn `Abbas asked, "Is your mother still alive?" He said, "No." So he told him, "Repent to Allah (SWT) and do your best to draw close to Him." `Ata' ibn Yassar, who narrated this report from Ibn `Abbas, said: "I went and asked Ibn Abbas, `Why did you ask him if his mother was still alive?' He said, `Because I know of no other deed that brings people closer to Allah (SWT) than kind treatment and respect towards one's mother.'"11 Imam Bukhari opens his book al-Adab al-Mufrad with a chapter on respect and kindness towards parents (birr al-walidayn), in which he places the section on good treatment of the mother before that on good treatment of the father, consistent with the teachings of the Prophet (PBUH). The Qur'an evokes feelings of love and respect in the heart of the child, and encourages him or her to treat parents well. It refers to the mother being given precedence because of pregnancy and breast-feeding, and the pains and trials that she suffers during these two stages, in a most gentle and compassionate way. It recognizes her noble sacrifice and great tenderness and care: ( And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: [hear the command]: `Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is [your final] Goal.') (Qur'an 31:14)
What supreme teaching! What humane, compassionate direction: "Show gratitude to Me and to your parents." Showing gratitude to parents for what they have done for their child comes second only to showing gratitude to Allah (SWT), and is one of the best righteous deeds. What a high status this religion gives to parents! Ibn `Umar saw a Yemeni man circumambulating the Ka`bah, carrying his mother. The man said to him, "I am like a tame camel for her: I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn `Umar?" He replied, "No, not even one contraction!"12 Every time `Umar ibn al-Khattab (RAA) saw the reinforcements from Yemen, he asked them, "Is Uways ibn `Amir among you?" - until he found Uways. He asked him, "Are you Uways ibn `Amir?" Uways said, "Yes." `Umar asked, "Are you from the clan of Murad in the tribe of Qaran?" Uways said, "Yes." `Umar asked, "Did you have leprosy, then you were cured of it except for an area the size of a dirham? Uways said, "Yes." `Umar asked, "Do you have a mother?" Uways said, "Yes." `Umar said: "I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say: `There will come to you with the reinforcements from Yemen a man called Uways ibn `Amir of the clan of Murad from the tribe of Qaran. He had leprosy but has been cured of it except for a spot the size of a dirham. He has a mother, and he has always treated her with kindness and respect. If he prays to Allah (SWT), Allah (SWT) will fulfil his wish. If you can ask him to pray for forgiveness for you, then do so.' So ask Allah (SWT) to forgive me." Uways asked Allah (SWT) to forgive him, then `Umar asked him, "Where are you going?" Uways said, "To Kufah." `Umar said, "Shall I write a letter of recommendation for you to the governor there?" Uways said, "I prefer to be anonymous among the people."13 What a high status Uways reached by virtue of his kindness and respect towards his mother, so that the Prophet (PBUH) recommended his Sahabah to seek him out and ask him to prafor them! All of this indicates the high status to which Islam has raised the position of motherhood, and given the mother precedence over the father. At the same time, Islam has given importance to both parents, and has enjoined kindness and respect to both. A woman may enjoy a life of ease and luxury in her husband's home, and may be kept so busy with her husband and growing children that she has little time to spare for her parents, and neglects to check on them and treat them well. But the true Muslim woman is safe from such errors, as she reads the recommendations of the Qur'an and Sunnah concerning parents. So she pays attention to them, constantly checking on them and hastening to treat them well, as much as her energy, time and circumstances permit, and as much as she can. 10. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/4, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab birr al-walidayn. 11. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/45, bab birr al-umm. 12. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/62, bab jaza' al-walidayn. 13. See Sahih Muslim, 16/95, Kitab fada'il al-sahabah, bab min fada'l Uways al-Qarani. |
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